I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
