sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
