I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
