Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
