Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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