Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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