Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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