I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
