I got chris browned last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
