I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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