Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
