textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize