I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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