She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
