Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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