Don't make out with my wife yet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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