Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize