Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
