life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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