He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
