Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
