Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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