you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
