so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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