I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
