You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize