Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
