I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
