It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
