Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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