then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
