Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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