Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm both gender and math confused
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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