so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
