when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize