i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
