Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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