There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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