I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
