ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
