I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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