It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mom said you looked used
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
