The maid of honor just puked.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
