I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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