hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is Oprah even human
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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