capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
