There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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