Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
