I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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