just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
