and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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