bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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