I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
