Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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