I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
