I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
