dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
