butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
