I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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