First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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