my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
