But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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