the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
