I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
