so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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