He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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