she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize