So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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