why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
