It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
