I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would fuck him just for his dog
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
