Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
