She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
