I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You don't make any sense
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