Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
