he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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