she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We left the knife in your bed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
