I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
