So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
