She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
