More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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