they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
