a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize