Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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