My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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