if you like me you must not know who I am
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
