How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
