Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
