mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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