walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
