Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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