I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
