I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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