Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
