Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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