Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
