What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize