I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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