you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
