At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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