blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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