dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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