No stitches, just platelets and will power
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize