Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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