How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
