After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
as a side note pls kill me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
