you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
