I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just pee around me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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